This girl.
Miss Scarlett Elise Selland 💛
Our fighter.
Our inspiration.
Our happy thought.
Let me take you back, waaaaay back in time....... to two years ago. Scarlett was evacuated a month early because my liver decided to malfunction and I was diagnosed with 'cholestasis of pregnancy'. This pretty much means that my liver held up a giant middle finger mid-pregnancy and refused to process any of the crud in my bloodstream- which, as one could imagine, is NOT a conducive environment for growing a tiny human baby child.
SO, out she came at exactly 36 weeks. Tiny, but strong, and completely perfect.
Well, she didn't just "come" out. She was forced out, with Pitocin and a failed epidural 😦
#NO,NO,NO,NO,NO
#sawthefaceofJesus....#threetimes
#blessallofyounaturalbirthingmommas
#iamstilltraumatized
Anyhow, we all made it through.
We spent a week in the NICU- monitoring Scarlett's blood count levels and investigating the cause of her anemia. She received a blood and platelet transfusion, had a slew of tests ran....and when nothing came back positive, we went home.
Just like that.
We just packed up our itty bitty five pound baby and walked out of the hospital.
As if that gut wrenching, horrifying week full of sleeplessness and worry had never occurred.
And in that moment, we had absolutely zero idea we would have so many similar weeks in our future.
Aside from this whole crazy medical journey, I more than anything wish I could put into words the joyful nature of this girl. I wish I could bottle it up and sell it on the shelves.
I have zero doubt that I might be a millionaire.
Because a joy this powerful and contagious is a true force. She is so, so ridiculously happy. Always. It's borderline absurd. Despite her bi-monthly appointments with the hematologist- being poked and sitting for hours waiting on lab results. Nothing ever phased this girl. Even when it phased me, she was strong and forced me to rise to the occasion. She reminded me that things could always be worse and we always have something to be grateful for. Even if it is nothing more than the hospital's endless supply of otter pops. The glass is half full, my friends, when you're in this little lady's company....and I don't even know how I got so lucky to be the one hanging out with her all of the time.
Cause I'll keep it real, we have had a LOT of hospital hangs.
After a few daycare adventures at around a year old, Scarlett started getting really, really sick. Like, constantly. We're talking every other month, she was in the hospital with pneumonia or needing a blood transfusion from nothing more than the common cold. Sometimes even needing high flow oxygen in the intensive care unit for weeks at a time. Her x-rays came back like this...……..
The space between her ribs should be black, but instead is full of "diffuse infliltrates"....what we all thought was just clear liquid from severe cases of pneumonia. After hours of heart wrenching discussion, prayers, and tears, we agree to a bronchoscopy procedure so doctors could test and confirm what the liquid in her lungs truly was. They took Scarlett into a treatment room in the PICU and allowed me to be with her while they sedated her. I held her and kissed her cheeks while her tiny body went limp from the medication. I laid her on the table and was asked to leave the room while the procedure was preformed.
This was one of nearly 1,000 ugly cry moments I have had in the Mary Bridge Children's Hospital hallways.
I prayed it would be my last.
As a parent, you just feel so helpless. Angry. Crippled that you aren't in control and heartbroken that your tiny baby is going through such a scary and unfair event without you there for every minute of it. We change every diaper, inspect every rash, micro manage every meal, band aid every wound....and then in this moment of desperation are asked to hand our baby over for a serious medical procedure and hold it together in the hallway for 30 minutes......
Emotional breakdown city, USA....Population: ME
I kept reassuring myself that these doctors had done this a million times as I paced the hallways of the ICU.......and miraculously, before I knew it, it was done.
The pulmonologist came out when they were finished and let me know Scarlett did beautifully and I could go back inside the room while she woke up from the sedation. I held her hand while I listened to the deafening sound of the heart monitor and waited for her eyelids to open. I've never watched anything so intently in my entire life.
I also saw two containers of fluid on the counter top labeled 'Selland, Scarlett'....it was her lung fluid, tinged pink. Not clear fluid, from a bad case of pneumonia, but dark pink....nearly red. Red, like blood. Blood that should never be found in a lung.
We have this miraculous gift, as parents, to sometimes just know things.
And my sweet friends, in that moment, I just knew.
And the only thing I could think to do was just hold her hand tighter and whisper in her ear that everything was going to be ok.
From that moment on, things were mainly a blur. Lots of #hospitalhangs, otter pops, Moana screenings...back to back to back...... lung biopsies, nauseatingly dramatic cry sessions in waiting room bathrooms, appointments, trips to Seattle, official diagnoses (Isolated Pulmonary Capillaritis), new medications, the spitting out of new medications, aspirating medications and nearly being intubated, and lastly an upcoming g-tube surgery to ensure that aspirating crap never. happens. again. Because #NO,NO,NO,NO,NO 🙅 No, thank you to two week stays in the ICU.
So what now?......
I will tell you exactly what we plan to do.....
We plan to live our lives in the very same way our Scarlett does.
Forgiving.
Happy.
Resilient.
FULL OF JOY.
Seeking the goodness in each moment. Always laughing. Never dwelling. Always saying "thank you". And dancing like a BOSS.
Thank you for being my very best friend, Scarlett Elise Selland.
You keep showing us what this whole life thang is really about, little lady.
There is so much strength in the struggle....and such immense beauty in the breakdown. We just have to be committed to finding the good in each day, no matter how unfair it is or how much sadness we feel.
Life is beautiful and we will all be ok.
I adopted that mantra from this little girl I know..........
Miss Scarlett Elise Selland 💛
Our fighter.
Our inspiration.
Our happy thought.
Let me take you back, waaaaay back in time....... to two years ago. Scarlett was evacuated a month early because my liver decided to malfunction and I was diagnosed with 'cholestasis of pregnancy'. This pretty much means that my liver held up a giant middle finger mid-pregnancy and refused to process any of the crud in my bloodstream- which, as one could imagine, is NOT a conducive environment for growing a tiny human baby child.
Well, she didn't just "come" out. She was forced out, with Pitocin and a failed epidural 😦
#NO,NO,NO,NO,NO
#sawthefaceofJesus....#threetimes
#blessallofyounaturalbirthingmommas
#iamstilltraumatized
Anyhow, we all made it through.
We spent a week in the NICU- monitoring Scarlett's blood count levels and investigating the cause of her anemia. She received a blood and platelet transfusion, had a slew of tests ran....and when nothing came back positive, we went home.
Just like that.
We just packed up our itty bitty five pound baby and walked out of the hospital.
As if that gut wrenching, horrifying week full of sleeplessness and worry had never occurred.
And in that moment, we had absolutely zero idea we would have so many similar weeks in our future.
Aside from this whole crazy medical journey, I more than anything wish I could put into words the joyful nature of this girl. I wish I could bottle it up and sell it on the shelves.
Because a joy this powerful and contagious is a true force. She is so, so ridiculously happy. Always. It's borderline absurd. Despite her bi-monthly appointments with the hematologist- being poked and sitting for hours waiting on lab results. Nothing ever phased this girl. Even when it phased me, she was strong and forced me to rise to the occasion. She reminded me that things could always be worse and we always have something to be grateful for. Even if it is nothing more than the hospital's endless supply of otter pops. The glass is half full, my friends, when you're in this little lady's company....and I don't even know how I got so lucky to be the one hanging out with her all of the time.
Cause I'll keep it real, we have had a LOT of hospital hangs.
After a few daycare adventures at around a year old, Scarlett started getting really, really sick. Like, constantly. We're talking every other month, she was in the hospital with pneumonia or needing a blood transfusion from nothing more than the common cold. Sometimes even needing high flow oxygen in the intensive care unit for weeks at a time. Her x-rays came back like this...……..
The space between her ribs should be black, but instead is full of "diffuse infliltrates"....what we all thought was just clear liquid from severe cases of pneumonia. After hours of heart wrenching discussion, prayers, and tears, we agree to a bronchoscopy procedure so doctors could test and confirm what the liquid in her lungs truly was. They took Scarlett into a treatment room in the PICU and allowed me to be with her while they sedated her. I held her and kissed her cheeks while her tiny body went limp from the medication. I laid her on the table and was asked to leave the room while the procedure was preformed.
This was one of nearly 1,000 ugly cry moments I have had in the Mary Bridge Children's Hospital hallways.
I prayed it would be my last.
As a parent, you just feel so helpless. Angry. Crippled that you aren't in control and heartbroken that your tiny baby is going through such a scary and unfair event without you there for every minute of it. We change every diaper, inspect every rash, micro manage every meal, band aid every wound....and then in this moment of desperation are asked to hand our baby over for a serious medical procedure and hold it together in the hallway for 30 minutes......
Emotional breakdown city, USA....Population: ME
I kept reassuring myself that these doctors had done this a million times as I paced the hallways of the ICU.......and miraculously, before I knew it, it was done.
The pulmonologist came out when they were finished and let me know Scarlett did beautifully and I could go back inside the room while she woke up from the sedation. I held her hand while I listened to the deafening sound of the heart monitor and waited for her eyelids to open. I've never watched anything so intently in my entire life.
I also saw two containers of fluid on the counter top labeled 'Selland, Scarlett'....it was her lung fluid, tinged pink. Not clear fluid, from a bad case of pneumonia, but dark pink....nearly red. Red, like blood. Blood that should never be found in a lung.
We have this miraculous gift, as parents, to sometimes just know things.
And my sweet friends, in that moment, I just knew.
And the only thing I could think to do was just hold her hand tighter and whisper in her ear that everything was going to be ok.
From that moment on, things were mainly a blur. Lots of #hospitalhangs, otter pops, Moana screenings...back to back to back...... lung biopsies, nauseatingly dramatic cry sessions in waiting room bathrooms, appointments, trips to Seattle, official diagnoses (Isolated Pulmonary Capillaritis), new medications, the spitting out of new medications, aspirating medications and nearly being intubated, and lastly an upcoming g-tube surgery to ensure that aspirating crap never. happens. again. Because #NO,NO,NO,NO,NO 🙅 No, thank you to two week stays in the ICU.
I will tell you exactly what we plan to do.....
We plan to live our lives in the very same way our Scarlett does.
Forgiving.
Happy.
Resilient.
FULL OF JOY.
Seeking the goodness in each moment. Always laughing. Never dwelling. Always saying "thank you". And dancing like a BOSS.
You keep showing us what this whole life thang is really about, little lady.
There is so much strength in the struggle....and such immense beauty in the breakdown. We just have to be committed to finding the good in each day, no matter how unfair it is or how much sadness we feel.
Life is beautiful and we will all be ok.
I adopted that mantra from this little girl I know..........
XOXO
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